


After They Bulldozed Breadstix

by Killercereal



Series: Breadstix Universe [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25281061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killercereal/pseuds/Killercereal
Summary: A series of sort of oneshots based in the Before They Bulldozed Breadstix universe. Involving time machines. And attempts to fix season 4/5.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Series: Breadstix Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/310161
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

After They Bulldozed Breadstix

2012, Lima, Ohio

Santana slumbered peacefully, wrapped tightly in her black bed-covers like a caterpillar snug in its cocoon. Every possible scrap of warmth was held in and only a tuft of long, dark hair poked out of the top of the roll of bed covers where precious oxygen could get in.

'Whumphhhhhhhhh'

A muffled scream was lost in the blankets as Brittany jumped onto the bed, squashing her girlfriend and then tried to find her way through the barrier to the girl inside. Failing that, she attempted to unroll Santana from her prison which led to the poor girl being rolled off the bed and onto the floor with a thud.

"Oops, sorry 'bout that. This is a bit like Christmas. Remember that red lingerie set Santa brought you and I had to unwrap you out of it?"

"Oh my god, Brittany. The house had better be on fire or you want sex because I am asleep right now," Santana groaned into the floor and decided not to move, pulled the covers around herself again and curled up under them.

"You have to get up. I've got three words for you. Monster. And. Trucks."

"B, I know I'm gay and all but... what the actual fuck is that?" Santana shrieked as she eyed the big hairy ball shaped thing Brittany was holding in her hand as she knelt next to Santana's head.

"Oh this?" Brittany asked holding up the item she had been holding under her arm. "It's a coconut."

"It's bigger than Mr Schue and Kurt's quiffs' lovechild." Brittany squinted at her trying to picture it. "Britt, it's the size of my head."

"That's discriminatory. What if your head was coconut sized? Then the coconut the size of your head would be coconut sized."

Santana groaned and tried to hide under the covers. "I haven't had the right sleep to brain ratio to keep up with the clever talk, Britt."

"That's the other thing I've got to tell you. I finished my time machine."

Santana snuffled her face back into the sheets. "Good. That's really great, Britt, that means I can go back to sleep because we've got all the time in the world."

"Sleep when you're dead!" Brittany quoted the great Sue Sylvester and pulled the covers off Santana.

2034, NYC

The back door to the Lopez residence slammed open startling the occupants of the kitchen. Santana walked in with her arms full with her son's muddy football kit and book bag. Her eyes narrowed as she eyed the three guilty looking teenagers standing around the counter.

"Sugar," Santana addressed her daughter who stared back wide eyed and open mouthed like she was imitating her guppy uncle and looking like she'd been caught doing something forbidden. "What did I tell you about bringing your weird friends over without asking first?"

"Who are you calling weird?" Eighteen year old Santana, one of the assembled teenagers, answered back.

"Your face is weird," was Adult Santana's mature retort.

"Your face is my face and it's a stunner."

"Hmm, cant argue with that," Older Santana shrugged.

Further inevitable bickering was interrupted as Santana's young son, Tony, came running in a moment later followed by Adult Brittany. He skidded to a halt before he could run into the girls standing around the table and stared up at Teenage Brittany who stared back in equal wonder.

"Um, hi," she said with nervous gulp.

Tony looked from eighteen year old Brittany over to a gob smacked eighteen year old Santana via a smirking Sugar and then, with his eyes as wide as they could go, over to his more familiar set of parents who were watching him with fond amusement. Older Brittany nudged him.

"Hi," he squeaked out in shock.

"I'm Brittany," Younger Brittany spoke to him with a smile. "And I uh, I built a time machine and we're testing it out and sort of ended up here."

At her words, spoken with that much loved and familiar voice, Tony grinned as he turned back to his blonde mom and then to her younger self. He jumped up onto the chair next to Teenage Brittany so they were the same height and threw his arms around her neck.

"Hi mom," he whispered in her ear. Younger Brittany beamed and hugged him back.

"How do you know where we live?" Adult Santana asked the teenagers, with suspicion.

"Sugar told us."

Sugar gave a strangled laugh. "Oh, funny story. Remember when I got stuck in the past and it was really upsetting and you should have mercy?"  
To her relief, her Aunt Quinn decided to burst into the mini reunion, sauntering in the open door without even bothering to knock and addressed her friends.

"I thought you got rid of that pile of junk after all the trouble it caused."

"I sincerely hope for your sake you're not referring to my wife," Older Brittany asked in her deadpan style.

Quinn executed a perfect eyeroll, "I meant the Delorean, B."

"We did."

"Then what's it doing on the driveway?"

"Hey, don't look at me, it's their fault," Adult Santana waved an arm at their teenage versions who were staring at super hot older Quinn with unabashed fascination. Teenage Brittany still had her arm around Tony who was clutched onto her side while he peeked shyly at the younger version of Santana, both girls were busy thoroughly eyeing this new and much more interesting Quinn, up and down.

Quinn let out a strangled yelp of shock and maybe a little bit of horror at the sight of the delinquents.

"Oh my god, Fabray?" Teenage Santana gasped out as she took in the sight before her. "Why are you dressed like a hooker?"

"What? I am not, this is an evening dress. This is the fashion!"

"Oh, you guys wont believe who Quinn married," Adult Brittany giggled and her wife snorted back a suppressed laugh.

"What shh no, you're not supposed to spoil the future, everyone knows that," Quinn hushed them.

"But they're already here," Tony pointed out. "And everyone else went back in time, without me, they found out everything anyway so what's it matter now?"

"Spoilers!"

The entire Lopez clan looked at her pityingly. Quinn had the good grace to hang her head in shame.

"You're right. I don't know why I said that. There was no way you weren't going to be together. Anyway, I cant stop long I have to get back home before the triplets tear the place to the ground."

"Who did you marry, Quinn?" Teenage Santana asked, her curiosity a-tingling.

Quinn ignored her. "Tony, buddy, I love you to pieces but I came over to ask you; Why is there a baby Triceratops in my back yard?"

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"I thought you returned it back to the Jurassic," Older Santana said accusingly as Tony and Adult Brittany tried not to look at each other.

"Britt!" Santana caught the guilty air about them.

"It'll be eaten if he goes back. He's only used to humans now and how do you find a dino mom anyway its not like they have an address book."

"And you thought no one would notice a dinosaur prancing about the neighbourhood?"

"We're working on a camouflage device."

"Take it back using the flight log to the same time and place you found it before it gets too big to fit in the car."

"We can take it," Younger Brittany offered brightly. "We have to get back anyway, we can drop it off."

"What? No we cant," younger Santana was communicating wildly with her eyes at Brittany. "Britt, I'm not sharing a car with dino poop. Anyway we have to get back to save Quinn from a life of prostitution." At this teenage Santana and Brittany sniggered into Tony's shoulders.

"I am not a prostitute!"

"Shhh Quinn, not in front of the kids." Younger Brittany made a show of covering Tony's ears.

"Yeah, I certainly wont be dropping hints to your younger uptight self about your career choices," teenage Santana said with a straight face.  
Quinn glared at Mrs and Mrs Lopez as they shook with poorly concealed laughter.

"This is a Hummel original! And you two can stop that as well."

"No Q, tell them who you married and why you have to dress like that." Adult Santana managed to control herself enough to speak coherently.

"It's okay if you're a hooker, Quinn," Teenage Brittany said sincerely.

"I am not a hooker!"

"Whoa, don't yell at her," Younger Santana's amusement turned to a glare in an instant and she took a menacing step towards Quinn.

"You know what? I don't have to put up with this. I have had years of therapy to deal with your crap Santana Lopez, I don't need more."

"Stop the violence," Tony stared at them with a worried expression on his face. Teenage Brittany hugged him closer.

"We can fit the dino in the monster truck," Sugar offered trying to calm things down. "We converted a new car into the time machine. Just in case."

"So awesome," Younger Brittany sighed.

"Why a monster truck? What happened to the Delorean?" Teenage Santana asked.

"Sugar happened to it. Wrote it off," Older Santana explained succinctly.

"I didn't!" Sugar gasped indignantly. "If you hadn't screamed in my ear I wouldn't have jumped, hit my head on the roof and swerved and missed the road."

"You were going to hit that little old lady!"

"There's nothing little about Mrs Hagberg. She would have moved out of the way when she saw a car bearing down on her eventually."

"Mom, can they come for Christmas?" Tony asked excitedly.

"NO!" Quinn and Adult Santana shouted simultaneously.

"Oh this is madness. I'm out of here. Tony, I want that creature out of my yard before I get back from this gala. Sugar, Tony, love you guys. Santana and Brittany and... Santana and Brittany. I hate you all, except for the Brittanys."

"Love you too, Quinn," Adult Santana called after her.

"Remember Quinn," Younger Santana shouted. "Just say no!"

"Quinn sails boats? Wont she get cold in that dress? Wait, Quinn has triplets?" Younger Brittany asked.

"Dalmations," Sugar explained but judging from the look on teenage Santana's face it didn't make things any clearer.

"How is it I am the only one in all of this who's not confused?" asked Adult Brittany. "You're thinking of a regatta. A gala's a kind of party for snobs."

"Why didn't she just say that then?" Younger Brittany asked.

"Right, family, get ready. Apparently we're going dino wrangling," Older Santana tried to round up her wayward family.

"Can we help?" younger Brittany asked hopefully.

"No." said both Santanas.

"But-"

"No."

"Don't make me do it," Teenage Brittany scowled at both Santanas.

"Do what, BrittBritt? You think I'm scared of you?" Adult Santana smirked.

Teenage Santana rounded on her cocky older self. "That is rude as hell. Britt Britt, give her the pout and add a lip quiver."

Both Santanas looked over when no reply from Brittany was forthcoming to find her having abandoned them and off exchanging goodbyes with Sugar, Tony and Adult Brittany. Deflated, and feeling a little silly, they went and joined them.

2012, Lima, Ohio

Brittany hummed a tune as she navigated her Delorean time machine through the streets of Lima on their way back home. She uh huhed and nodded in all the right places as she half listened to Santana grumble about her older version.

"She's so rude and annoying I don't even want to go back there."

"Sure thing, sweetie"

"B, are you even listening? I don't think she's really me."

"She is. I promise."

Santana sat back in a huff. "Now where or when are we going?"

"Didn't you want to go and mess with Quinn?"

"You know me so well."

"Okay so, you remember the real reason I wanted to build a time machine?"

"To go see Quinn before she was skinny, or even called Quinn? Wait I haven't got a camera ready!"

"That too, but I wanted to make school more interesting I thought I could use it for my history report. Which is due... sometime soon... like tomorrow. I was thinking we could take the car and prepare for it the more exciting way. So instead of reading up on these boring dead people or watching the dvds which Mrs Hagberg swears aren't historically accurate, you know she reckons that Indiana Jones wasn't a real dude?"

"And you wanted to go and mess about in actual historical times?" Santana stared over at her girlfriend. Brittany gave her a bright smile. "My common sense is tingling. I sense trouble."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the awesome response to the first chapter everyone :D Thanks mushaboom21 for an idea for another chapter. This was going to be a few oneshots from the 'Before They Bulldozed Breadstix' universe, scenes that I couldn't fit into the original fic and then some new things, like this one inspired from the crapfest that is glee. But then this chapter gave me ideas so we'll just see what happens. As for this, I had some feels.

2.

Santana walked through the student parking lot at McKinley High, her heart numb, her eyes blurred with tears. As she blindly moved amongst the stationary cars she mindlessly sorted through each key on her keyring, over and over, her finger running along the edge of one and then the next and then starting over again once she'd completed the bunch. It was a pathetic attempt to occupy her mind for a few feeble moments on something else. Anything else.

She was vaguely aware of a car door slamming somewhere in the vicinity but didn't pay any further attention until a set of knuckles cracked the side of her head, the result of a flying fist she hadn't seen coming. The punch knocked her off balance and she fell sideways onto the hood of a parked car.

She slid across the metal and fell to the ground with a thud, the air knocked out of her lungs. Momentarily stunned, she stared blankly at her bunch of keys which slid off the car and landed on the ground next to her with a metallic crunch. She dazedly looked up with apprehension, wondering when her attacker would show themselves. To her confusion her own face looked back down at her, the very definition of fury: Future Santana.

"You fool," Adult Santana yelled at her. "You fucking fool. Do you know what you've done?"

The younger Santana gasped for air, unable to speak or move until her lungs had refilled with precious oxygen. "Whu- hu?" her chest racked with coughs.

Adult Santana stormed around the front of the car and stood over her. "You are the stupidest most pathetic excuse for a coward of a human being I have ever had the misfortune to look in the mirror and scowl at."

"What the?"

Teenage Santana had regained some of her breath back by now and tried to get up. A brown, knee length leather boot halted her movements, kicking her in the chest and pinning her against the car door. Santana scrabbled frantically to escape but her older self just pressed down harder. "You're hurting me," the girl squealed out.

"You don't even know what that word means," the older Santana hissed in her face. "You have jeopardised my life, my relationship, my wife, my children's lives, and if I thought it would do you any good I'd kill you right here. There is one thing I will not stand for and that is anything, anything, including you and your selfish stupid fucking idiocy. You do not threaten my family!" Adult Santana screamed in the girl's face causing Santana to break down into tears.

"I don't understand what's happening," she sobbed helplessly.

Future Santana grabbed her by her collar and slammed her up against the side of the vehicle. Younger Santana's elbow collided with the toughened glass window making her yelp with pain.

"Get off her!"

A familiar voice caught both their attentions and a furious teenage Brittany forced herself between the two women. "Don't you touch her," she shouted at Adult Santana, prising her hands open and ripping them out of the hold she had on her Santana's arms.

The wildness in the older woman's eyes settled down somewhat as she watched Brittany comfort her younger self, tenderly rubbing her arms and wiping tears from her cheeks. Suddenly, Brittany rounded on Future Santana.

"What's going on, Santana? Explain. Now." Brittany ordered her, to both Santanas' confusion. They weren't certain which one she was addressing and instead exchanged a miserable look.

"You, hot older Santana," Brittany clarified.

Said Santana gulped.

"Whatever she's done," she gestured carefully towards the younger girl, unwilling to upset Brittany any more. "It's affecting my kids, my wife, my future. Sugar's been in bed, ill, for days, it's like she's just wasting away and Tony's coming down with it too. The doctors said it's not anything medical. Britt said it might have something to do with the time stream. What have you done?" she spat at teenage Santana.

Younger Santana stared at her brokenly and then burst into tears again.

Adult Santana looked over at the teenage version of her wife in despair, "Britt. What's happened?"

Brittany looked down at the floor and took her arm back from around Santana.

"We broke up."

The teenagers sat on the cool ground, leaning against the car side door flush against one another as though they were fused together down the one side. They watched as the future version of Santana prowled in front of them, walking ten feet one way then turning abruptly and walking back. Her palms were open and her hands gesticulated wildly in front of her as she tried to gather her thoughts together. Aloud.

"What, how is that? That's not, this is preposterous, absolute fucking bullshit. The apocalypse must be here," she rounded on the teenagers who were now flattened as far up against the car as they could be, clutching hold of each other. "Because I thought I just heard you say... you broke up."

Both girls stared at her blankly, the wounds still fresh from not even half an hour ago.

A shout from the other side of the parking lot caught their attention and Brittany waved to acknowledge the call from a group of Cheerios heading for the school bus, off to an away game.

"I have to go," she squeezed teenage Santana's hand as she stood up and dusted down her skirt. She spun around and said in a soft, steady tone to future Santana, who suddenly couldn't meet her eyes. "If there is one scratch on her I will hunt you down."

Brittany looked back at younger Santana who was still slumped miserably on the floor and was staring hard at her own feet and blinking suspiciously hard. "And you can be absolutely certain that I'm not done with you," she said, and walked off toward the group of cheerleaders in the distance.

Teenage Santana squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath, listening to Brittany's footsteps get fainter. She opened her eyes as the shell of the car body moved and her older self slid her back down the metal to collapse next to her in an identical, despondent pose. They both stared at their feet in silence for several long minutes until a sharp pain on younger Santana's ear caused her to wince.

"No really. What. The. Fuck?" Adult Santana flicked the girl's ear with every word.

"Stop hitting me!"

"Stop fucking up!"

"I cant. I cant be here for Britt like I'm supposed to. I cant be here when she needs me."

"So move your ass."

"She wont let me stay in Lima. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Let me tell you, me- This is really strange. Maybe I'm crazy. It's like talking to myself but in a whole new way than normal." She side eyed her younger self and muttered. "Not that I do that. But anyway, there is something you need to know. And you already know it so I don't know why I'm bothering."

Younger Santana looked at her, mascara smudged, red eyes, lip trembled slightly.

"Except... yeah, you're pathetic. The first rule of the universe is... You're supposed to be with Brittany. The second rule of the universe. You're supposed to be with Brittany. I cant make it any clearer than that. It is the only thing I know for certain in the whole wide cosmos."

"Yeah, but-"

"Don't you 'yeah but' me. You're the only 'butt' I see here. There are no other buts. Fix it. Or I will send my wife after you and then only your god can save you. Or worse..."

Future Santana pursed her lips in thought. "Hmmm," she murmured, scaring the younger girl even more.

"Hmmm? What does that mean," teenage Santana gulped. "What's worse than angry super hot older Brittany?"

Older Santana scrambled ungracefully to her feet using the car to push herself up with. "You really don't want to know."

She made a disgusted sigh as she looked back down at her stupider self. "I'm going home. To my wife." She emphasised the most important word.

Younger Santana stared at her in confusion. "I know. You're married."

"Yes, dumbass. To my wife."

"Ye-sss?"

"Oh god, teenage me is as thick as Finn." Teenage Santana looked rightly insulted. "You are me. I am you. I am married. You should get on that."

"But that's the complete opposite of breaking up."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kick you right now," growled Future Santana as she cocked her head to the side and looked her younger self up and down. "There are some times when I wonder what exactly Brittany sees in me. And this moment is one of them."

"I c-can't just marry her. Have you been through this?" she asked the older woman. "What did you do after high school? Did your Brittany graduate?"

"Kid, my Brittany is your Brittany, I am you, and this all happened to me. Also, bear in mind I am exponentially smarter and infinitely wiser than you. I am an adult who has her shit together so what I tell you is the truth and pure fact."

Teenage Santana squinted at her, her nose scrunched up in disbelief. She sniffed, then fumbled in her pocket for her phone as it buzzed and checked if the message was from Brittany. It was and she quickly replied.

'Yeh I'm alive. Thx B. she's all talk. X'

Adult Santana smirked and began to walk off leaving an emotionally exhausted and very confused girl behind her.

"You didn't answer my question!"

Future Santana didn't even halt her step to call back over her shoulder. "Sugar will want to be bridesmaid, if she hasn't told you already."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter touches on events in the episodes Glease, whatever came after that and the one that came after that.

3.

In the parking lot at McKinley High a shiny red convertible pulled up and the engine cut off leaving a momentary lull in noise pollution. Seconds later a weird groaning noise emitted from the car, sort of like someone giving birth might sound. Fortunately for us, dear readers, it was the sound of someone in severe emotional distress instead.

Inside the car Santana sat in the driver's seat gripping the steering wheel so tight her knuckles had turned white. She held on for dear life, doing breathing exercises to battle the seasick feeling in her stomach and control her nerves.

"Urgggg. Stupid stupid stupid. Hooooooo. Urggggg. Stupid stupid stupid."

She couldn't believe she'd said yes to this. What was she thinking? How was this a good idea again? She should never have answered the phone to Finn Hudson. In fact, if she hadn't deleted his number a year ago in the first place she'd have been able to screen his call and avoid him for the rest of her natural life even though the chances were that with all the crap Finn ate, all those fatty foods full of preservatives and sugar there was high probability his body would last forever.

"Santana!"

A loud tapping at the driver's window made her jump breaking her out of her vision of Finn in the afterlife. She gritted her jaw in an attempt to discourage her lunch from making a reappearance and turned to grimace at Finn. He waved, from not two feet away, into the car with that dopey lopsided grin on his face. What a fucking nerve, looking genuinely happy to see her while she was about die with anxiety.

To her horror he wrapped her up in a bear hug as soon as she stepped out of the car. Her senses were immediately overloaded with the smelly combination of body spray, chilli dog breath and sweat.

"All right, Fudson, that's enough," she pushed him away although not as harshly as she would have done in a previous life.

"I'm so happy you're here," he beamed at her, taking her abruptness in his stride. "Thanks for coming to help us."

"Yeah well. It's glee club, I suppose," she muttered.

"Still, I appreciate it. Come on and meet everyone."

He held the door to the school open for her and she entered the looming halls, her arms wrapped around herself for protection as Finn droned on beside her. If her heart hadn't been pounding so loudly in her chest she might have registered some of his words more carefully.

"I'm really excited about this show and they were right you know, you've got the perfect edge for this character. I cant believe I didn't think of it before."

They walked the familiar halls to the choir room where Santana paused outside for a deep calming breath. Finn walked in oblivious to her stopping then walked back out ten seconds later with a puzzled look on his face to check on her.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled weakly at him and, with her head held high, entered the room.

Santana had a second to register that, God, it was really warm in that room, as her eyes scanned the group of people for one face in particular. She took a startled step back as a high pitched screaming rent the air and the source of the noise (seated next to the blonde she was always looking for) got up, ran across the room then threw themselves on her causing them both to fall to the floor in a heap.

Well used to this extreme behaviour from certain members of Glee, Finn introduced and explained Santana's role to the other glee club members who hadn't met her before as Santana and Sugar had a whispered conversation on the floor.

"You're here, it worked!"

"What worked? Get your elbow out of my ribs. Do you know how long it took me to get ready and you've gone and tackled me to the dirty floor."

"I missed you," Sugar snuggled into her, much to Brittany's amusement, especially when Santana tentatively hugged the younger girl back.

"I uh, I missed you too. Hang on, what are you doing here?" Sugar's smile turned in a flash into a sly smirk and then a harsh glare.

"Got some explaining to do, do you?" Sugar asked, her voice getting more scratchy as she remembered her reason for being there. "Well?"

"Oh crap, I was not prepared for this, at all. I'm working on it all, Sugar!"

"In what way? Hmm?"

"Um, we're friends. I'm doing this stupid musical."

"Yeah well, I heard she's been hanging out with Sam."

Mike and Finn helped lift both girls up off the floor while the new members of glee club watched slightly confused by the decidedly interesting welcome the infamous Santana Lopez had received. Looking flustered, Santana went shyly to sit next to Brittany. Sugar sat behind them and shoved her head into their personal space, leaning her head on Brittany's shoulder. She sighed and muttered, "Googly eyes," as Santana and Brittany gave each other a whispered "Hi" and then smiled dopily at each other.

"Shut up," Santana muttered over her shoulder. Brittany shot them both a look. "How are you even here? Do your parents know you're here?" Santana asked accusingly, sucking in a deep breath as Brittany moved to sit as close as possible to her.

"Don't change the subject," Sugar said as Santana glared at her. She started coughing and leaned hard against Brittany causing her to ask, with some alarm, what was wrong.

"I'm sick. I'm sick, I'm probably dying and Santana is the only one who can cure me and she's sure as hell dragging her heels about it."

"You wha-asdf," Santana spluttered. "I thought..." she looked around and whispered. "Your mom...?"

"Is sick in bed with flu. Aww were you hoping she'd come and kiss it all better? She'd be furious with you." Santana looked away ashamed.

"Sugar, does she know you're here?" Santana mustered up the concern to ask.

"Psssh, I'm staying with Britt. Like, she couldn't be any more more happy with that arrangement if I tried. Unless maybe... if you and B-" Santana clamped her palm over Sugar's big mouth.

"Look, Sugar. As happy as I am to see you," she could feel Sugar smile against her hand, "I think you should go back home. Your folks will be worried."

Sugar disentangled herself from Santana's grip and whispered so only Santana and Brittany could hear. "Mami said I could come. She said, 'I'd rather you spent your thanksgiving break harassing those idiots than auditioning for 'American SuperStar Idol', again.' And then she said she'd have given you brain damage if she'd stayed here any longer, not that it would make much difference."

"You cant possibly be what's worse, surely," Santana muttered quietly to herself. Brittany and Sugar eyed her curiously.

"I'm not," Sugar whispered, side eyeing Finn who was staring at them with his arms crossed and clearing his throat. "I promise you, I'm nothing like what you will witness if you keep up this bumfuckery."

"Sugar!" Finn spluttered as he caught her words and then proceeded to turn an interesting shade of purple.

"What? Are you questioning my aspergersness?"

Finn coughed, interrupting the squabbling and the girls looked up to see everyone staring at them. "Santana, would you stand up here and just maybe say a few words? A hello to the new guys."

"No," she answered succinctly.

Finn, at the front of the room, all puffed up with self importance, visibly deflated. He hadn't anticipated that reply.

"So, what are you doing in town, Santana?" Joe asked with a sly smirk.

"Shut up, Joe," Sugar pounced on him before Santana could feel self conscious with everyone's attention on her motives. "No one cares. Cut your hair."

Fuck, Britt was staring at her with that fucking smile. Santana stared at her in a trance as Brittany conferred with Sugar about something, and completely missed the fact that Tina had come into the room dressed as a hooker and was now distracting Finn by shouting at him. She should have known that this would not be a good idea.

Sugar jumped back startled as Mike brushed past in her hiding place behind the curtain and watched as he told Santana she had less than five minutes until curtain.

She jumped a second time when a voice spoke up next to her and she looked down to see Artie staring exasperatedly at her costume. "What are you doing? You should be getting changed ready for the final number."

"Oh look at them," Sugar squeed, ignoring his directorial concerns. "They're so freaking adorable and oblivious and so in love and they just-" She squealed in Artie's ear again, much to his distress, and then slapped his shoulder repeatedly as she jumped up and down in excitement. Artie pushed his glasses up his nose and peered over to where Brittany was leaning over Santana at her dressing table as she put the finishing touches to her make-up before Rizzo's big number.

"What? What are we looking at? Brittany and Santana? They're always like that, I don't see anything different about them. Come on, Sugar! The show wont wait for you to get out of your space hair and it wont be true to the authenticity of Grease if you're wearing second act hair in the final scene."

"My priorities are perfect, Artie. Aww look," she whined as she noticed Santana sitting alone and looking morosely at the mirror in front of her. "You made me miss them. Was there tongue?"

"Sugar! Get out of that hair right now or you'll never work in this town again!"

Sugar slowly spun around on her heel and raised a warning eyebrow.

"Please?"

Santana leaned back on the bleachers in the winter sun watching the Cheerios practice. Come to think of it, she should have done some practice over the break too. Oh well, she was a natural, she could wing it.

She flicked up her shades to get a better look as the number one man in Brittany's life stalked over and sat down next to her.

"Hey, Bossman," she said, putting her shades back on. They both stared out over the football field in companionable silence for a while watching the cheerleaders flip and spin and throw each other around the grass.

"Come to accompany her home, huh?"

His nose twitched.

"How've you been? I heard you joined a gang. Sorry, started a gang, my bad. That's pretty badass. I bet Britt's not impressed tho'."

He began to wash his whiskers.

"School's okay, I guess. Thanks for asking. I'm going back tonight."

The hardened gang member flopped onto his side and stretched out in the sunlight.

"Thanks for friending me on facebook," Santana said quietly. "Look after her for me, okay?"

He closed his eyes.

"I know, I know. I don't even need to ask."

"Fam'," was Sugar's words of greeting as she threw herself down in a heap next to them and began to scratch Lord Tubbington's rotund belly.

"How are you doing that without getting your arm ripped off?" Santana asked in amazement. "He doesn't let any one touch him, ever. Apart from Brittany."

"I'm awesome," Sugar shrugged as Lord Tubbington rolled onto his back, legs akimbo for maximum belly scratching coverage.

They all waited and watched as the Cheerios began to pack it up and Brittany came bouncing over in delight at seeing them all waiting for her.

"Hi," she beamed happily at them, especially at Santana. "It's so weird seeing you guys all together and not fighting. I like it."

"Can we go home now?" Sugar whined. "My butt's going to freeze to the seat if I sit here much longer. We don't all have fur coats, Tubbs. Not real fur anyway," she muttered darkly.

"Yeah, I can shower at home." Brittany looked at Santana hopefully. "What are you doing later tonight? Are you coming with us?"

"I have to get back to school. I have a test first thing tomorrow morning."

"Oh," Brittany looked disappointed.

"I'm sorry," Santana said in a hushed murmur. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I left."

"Do you want me to die? Is this what this is?"

"What the hell? Sugar!" Santana watched as Sugar began to sob with her face buried in her hands.

"What have you done?" Brittany gasped.

"No Britt, I didn't do anything. She's crazy," she mouthed and motioned the crazy circle by her temple with her finger. "I have to go. I'll see you soon. Sugar, it'll all be okay, I promise."

Sugar turned her back on her and hugged Lord Tubbington to her chest burying her face in his fur. Santana walked away sadly.

Sugar let go of Lord Tubbington who moved away from her in relief and hid behind Brittany's legs as Sugar turned around completely devoid of tears.

"I cant believe the tears didn't work. I'm sure she's having a total mental breakdown." Sugar turned to Brittany who was watching Santana walk back to her car, her face blank. She hooked her arm through Brittany's.

"I know you want to give her time to work it out on her own but we could really play her big time. Like bring in the big guns. Aunt Q, Mom, we could even sink to the bottom feeders level and bring Tony, and then everyone all at once. And I'm happy to resort to threats, blackmail, violence, coercion, fraud, guilt. Oooh what about jealousy?"

Brittany sighed despondently. "I'll go grab my things. I wont be long."

Sugar watched heartbroken as Brittany walked off one way, and Santana the other.

A few days later...

Sugar watched the couple kissing at the far end of the hallway. Her bottom lip pouted out and her face crumpled with the upset. She scowled as Sam walked past her with a dazed, moronic smile on his face not even acknowledging her presence.

"What are you doing?" Sugar demanded, her breath hitched with emotion as she confronted Brittany at her locker.

"Sugar... I'm just hanging out with Sam. Having fun."

"You cant."

"Yes, I can."

Sugar's nose scrunched up in disgust and she slammed Brittany's locker door shut with a bang in outraged protest, turned on her heel and flounced off. Brittany watched her sheepishly. Taking the first empty classroom she came across, Sugar entered the choir room only to find it wasn't as deserted as she had hoped. She looked around to see Brad gleefully packing his few belongings in a box. He looked up at her helpless expression.

"Get out while you can," was the advice he offered her.

Sugar sniffed and her eyes scrunched. "It's all going wrong," she whimpered.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Wrapped only in a borderline sinfully short towel and singing contentedly to herself, Santana walked out of the bathroom and across the HummelPezBerry loft living space heading for her room. In her arms were an excessive amount of toiletries which she refused to leave lying around in the communal space because Kurt had no shame and would use them all and then test them all further on Rachel. She had learned the hard way never to trust anyone that opinionated on hair products or with hair that bouffant. Besides, she knew for a fact that they would take full advantage of her expensive products because she would do the same thing to them. They had learned from the best after all.

Upon reaching the centre of the room Santana promptly dropped every bottle in her arms and jumped six inches in the air, her hands grasping onto her towel as though for dear life.

"Oh my god," Santana emitted a high pitched squeak. "You cant be here." She stared slack jawed at the intruder in her apartment.

The person in front of her pouted.

"Oh my god. I mean, of course I'm like, really happy to see you... but you cant be here. What if Kurt and Rachel come back and see you?"

"Kurt and Rachel. Since when do you call them that?"

"Since they started referring to themselves as Hummelberry. It makes me throw up a little bit inside my mouth every time they do that."

"Don't worry about them, we've got plenty of time. I'll know if they come back. Aren't you going to come over here and say hello?"

Santana took a side step so the sofa was in between her and her visitor, much to her visitor's amusement.

"Hi Britt," Santana ducked her head and gave her a bashful smile.

"Hello Santana," Future Brittany smirked as she walked closer, knelt down on the sofa cushions and rested her arms on the backrest and leaned in until she was almost face to face with the almost naked younger girl. She watched as Santana stared at her in a daze.

"Hi," Brittany said softly her breath ghosting over Santana's face.

"Hi." Santana breathed, frozen in place.

"Are you naked under there?" Brittany asked with a sly grin and a raised eyebrow.

"What? No!" Santana looked down at her tiny towel. "Maybe a bit. Let me get changed." She gripped her towel tighter and scurried away from the beautiful woman on her couch.

"Do you want some help getting changed?" Brittany called after her.

"No! You stay over there and don't move from that couch. No peeking."

Brittany chortled and lay down stretched over the cushions. "Party pooper."

Santana stumbled out of her room in record time in a large t shirt and sweatpants. She dried her hair with a towel as she sat down on the end of the couch next to the older woman.

"How did you get in?"

"A ninja never tells."

Santana giggled. Then mentally slapped herself for being such a fucking goober in front of the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Why are you getting dressed at this time of day?"

"I just woke up. I had to work last night."

"Oh yeah? You sure you haven't got a girl back there?" Brittany leaned back trying to see into Santana's room.

"What? No!" Santana slapped her on the shoulder.

"You're such a liar."

"I'm not!" Santana started to get anxious. "You can go check."

"Relax, I believe you. My Santana was always like 'oh yeah different girl every week', and something about planting oats but she couldn't get away with lying to me to save her life." Santana didn't know whether to look relieved or embarrassed. "It'd be okay if you did, you know," Brittany said quietly taking Santana's hand in hers. "Have a girl back there."

Santana glowered at her bare feet. "Don't you start, too." Brittany interlaced their fingers and tugged her hand onto her lap but Santana still wouldn't look at her.

"How is it living with the gruesome twosome?" Brittany changed the subject as she took a look at the pile of dvds on the coffee table next to them and scrunched her nose up in disgust.

Santana looked up immediately, relieved.

"Oh, you know. I haven't murdered anyone yet but there's still time and no doubt provocation to come. I woke up late one day and there were like fifteen people in sequinned leotards prancing about in here. I thought I was hallucinating until I was almost blinded by the light reflecting off them. And there was another time I got in and Kurt and Rachel and the Apple guy were dressed as cutlery and re-enacting Beauty and the Beast. I still have nightmares about dancing cutlery," She grimaced and gripped hold of Brittany even tighter. "But there's still time to keep up the city's murder statistics, cut off date is May. Wait a minute, shouldn't you already know all this?"

Brittany shrugged. "You never said much about it apart from it was six months of your life you'd never get back."

Santana stared at her. Brittany returned her gaze with a warm smile until she realised what she had just said and struggled for an explanation. "I mean that... What I meant to say was... you... uh... always said you learned more self restraint living here than four years of sharing a classroom with Finn Hudson. Is what I meant."

"You said six months."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. I've been here since February that means I've got three months to go. What happens after six months?"

"Oh boy, is that the time? I've got to run. I only came here on the off chance of seeing you naked." Brittany made to stand but Santana tightened the grip on her hand and tugged her back.

"No, don't go, please? I haven't seen you in ages, it feels like forever."

Brittany stopped struggling and reached up to tuck Santana's loose hair off her face and back behind her ears then ran her fingers down her cheek.

"Hey, it's going to be okay."

"Can you just... give me a clue? Or even better, tell me what to do," Santana pleaded. "I miss you so much." Her breath hitched and she blinked furiously trying not to cry. Brittany felt a harsh squeeze on her heart and wrapped Santana in her arms.

"I just accidentally gave you a whopping great big fat clue," Brittany murmured into her hair. Something beeped in her jacket pocket and she pulled out a small electronic device and read the message it was displaying. "And another clue will be here any moment," she said softly.

"Wait," Santana sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Last I heard you were all like dying or something. At least that's what 'crazy' me said."

Brittany grinned. "Oh no, psssh, don't listen to her. That's just what happens when paranoid overprotective people have unsupervised access to the internet and diagnoses everyone they love."

She placed her hands on Santana's shoulders and tilted her chin so they were looking right at each other.

"It's never too early to start so I'll do this now. Listen to me very carefully, Santana."

Santana blinked back at her eyes hazing over with adoration. Brittany frowned and clicked her fingers in front of the girl's nose snapping her back to attention.

"Just because your dad is a doctor, honey, does not mean his years of medical training get passed on genetically. You wont believe how many times I have had to tell you this in the future but you never seem to listen. Do not believe the internet."

Santana huffed, mildly offended at being told off for her older self's actions.

"Actually, we all had flu. Except Santana, only she's got it now so... poor Sugar is looking after her." Brittany chewed her lip worriedly. "I should probably get back soon. Those two cannot be trusted."

A thudding noise outside the apartment caught the attention of both women and they turned to face the door. The noise got louder until the door to the apartment burst open and Future Brittany and Santana's six year old son came running inside shouting,

"We've got to go, they're coming back! I saw them come out of the subway station. Move out, people, now!"

"Tony!" Santana couldn't believe her eyes at seeing the boy again.

"Mami!" He barrelled into Santana and she hugged him back fiercely.

"You left him outside on the sidewalk alone in New York?" Santana mouthed over his head to Brittany, her eyes wide in horror.

Brittany smirked. "Tony." He looked back at his mom. "Your one-day-to-be Mami is doubting your mad ninja skills. Show her what you've got."

Santana gulped. "Wait!" she yelped as the boy swept her legs out from under her without hesitating and sat on her legs pinning her to the floor.

"That's how we do in Lima Heights," he grinned at her. And slapped a fist to his heart. "I'm a Lopez. No one messes with me or my family and gets away with it," Tony leaned over her and pointed dramatically for emphasis.

Santana lay flat on her back in shock as she stared at this little kid who had just dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

"You made Sugar mad. At you. You made her cry," Tony frowned down at her.

Santana sighed. "Yeah, I know," she muttered.

Brittany prodded Tony in the back with her foot well out of Santana's view and on cue, as he stared at her with big blue eyes, his bottom lip quivered and his eyes squeezed shut. Tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Holy Sweet baby m'n'm's," Santana gulped. "You're what's worse," she said in a hushed voice. She sat up and pulled him into a big hug. "Tony, no don't cry baby, I swear it'll all be okay, I promise." He tucked his head under her chin and wrapped his short arms tightly around her neck.

"Sugar cried," he sniffled into her neck. "She wouldn't come out of her room for days."

"I promise it will all be fixed," Santana began to rock his body as she frantically tried to comfort him.

Brittany walked past the two bodies on the floor and sat back down on the couch. Out of Santana's line of sight she gave Tony a thumbs up over Santana's shoulder. He then proceeded to wail even louder.

"Wait." Santana manoeuvred with Tony in her arms to look at Brittany who's expression turned to innocence as she did so. "Where's Sugar? Did she go back home? Is she coming back to now?"

"Sugar..." Brittany winced. "Is a teeny tiny bit mad at you and younger me right now. She hasn't spoken to future us for about two weeks and, frankly Santana, I don't appreciate getting blamed for something you two have done even if you are us and it was years ago and it's about time you fixed your shit."

"Cover your ears," Santana whispered in Tony's ear. To her delight he giggled. "Listen buddy, here's what I'm going to do. And make sure you tell Sugar that it'll all be okay when you get home because I'm going to McKinley and I'm going to get her back." Santana didn't notice Brittany's nose twitch at her words. "I'm going to tell her how I feel... again." She paused. "And again as many times as I have to and ask her to consider coming here with me. Or I would go with her. I don't know, but I'm going to fix it."

"Seriously? You're going to go there and like sweep her off her feet? Like in a movie?" Tony asked excitedly.

"More like blow her away."

"And then what? Brittany sighed. You'll be exactly where you were before. What about Sa-"

"Britt, don't make me swear in front of a four year old."

"I'm six! And we have to go now, Mom. Uncle Kurt and Aunt Rachel stopped to sing with the buskers outside the metro but there were rainclouds and-" A clap of thunder crashed the conversation. "They're on their way," he finished off, ominously.

"You're like, really smart," Santana grinned at him as rain began to hammer against the windows. "You are most definitely your mother's son." She flattened his wild hair as she spoke not noticing Brittany's ears flushed pink at her words.

"We have to go," Brittany stood and held out her hand for Tony to take. He hugged Santana some more and she kissed his forehead.

"Don't let Sugar near your wrists. She does this grabby thing and it really hurts," the boy warned.

"Got it."

Brittany kissed her on the lips. "Mmmmph!"

"Brittany."

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know. It's the only thing I've ever always known. I love you too." She winked. "Okay, well cool. We actually came so Tony could do his history project on Obama. Gotta go."

"Hold up." Santana frowned noticing the matching smug smiles on Brittany and Tony's faces. "Did you two just play me?"

"Of course not, sweetie."

"Like Jenga," Tony called from the hallway.

"I always knew you were slightly evil," Santana muttered then ran to the door and called after Brittany. "But wait, it works, right? If I go to Lima and... you know?"

"Watch out for Sugar," was Brittany's reply. "She's really mad. And it ain't pretty when she's mad."

Santana waved to Tony who kept waving until he and his mother were out of sight.

She was still standing there staring off into space in the empty hallway with a sappy smile on her face when Rachel and Kurt came screeching up the stairs. They side eyed her in tandem and then side stepped her as a precaution.

"Still so freakin' hot," Santana whispered, non too quietly.

"Thank you, Santana," Rachel said with a smile as she inched past her into the apartment, slightly bemused when Santana remained staring down the hall.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

"Santana, it's your turn to wash the dishes," Rachel called from the couch where she was erratically highlighting passages from multiple characters from a dog eared script.

Santana dropped her keys on the side next to the front door she had just walked through only to be immediately assaulted with threats and accusations.

"No, it's not. I did them last week."

"Yes, it is, and no, you didn't."

"You cant just make up chores on the spot because you're too lazy to chisel that encrusted vegetable cement thing you call food-"

"It was a smoothie and it was delicious, thank you very much. And there's a rota. On the refrigerator."

"Since when?"

"It's been there for months! We had a house meeting, you were there!"

"If that is true, which don't think for a second I believe you, I clearly can't have been there in spirit. Don't think I don't know you just put that up there-" She held up her palm to shut Rachel up as she looked at her ringing phone in her other hand. "Silence the foghorn. Brittany's calling me."

Pacing frantically around in a circle Santana couldn't manage to escape the phone she still clung tightly to. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, what do I do? What do I do?"

"Um, you could answer it," Kurt offered, calmly from his position splayed out on the floor. He was supposed to be stretching or something ridiculous but was now just lying there, spread eagled, staring at the ceiling.

"I wasn't asking you two Bobbsey twins. Pipe down."

Kurt pulled himself over to the couch and sat down next to Rachel. The two of them then proceeded to side eye Santana not very discretely as she trotted around the table in the middle of the living area having an apparent mental breakdown.

"Shit, shit, shit, she's calling me," she put the phone on the table top and stared at it until it stopped ringing and then bellowed at it. "FUCK."

Rachel and Kurt hurriedly buried their heads in the nearest magazine.

Santana breathed out as though she'd gone into labour and swallowed hard, trying to calm herself. The phone began to ring again.

"Make it stop doing that!" She let out a strangled yell.

"Answer it," Kurt urged. "It might be important."

"I can't, she'll know."

"Know what?

"She'll know, she always knows."

Seconds later Kurt's phone began to emit a jaunty tune and then so did Rachel's.

"It's Blaine," Kurt said.

"It's Tina," Rachel said, checking her phone.

Santana stared at the screen on hers which had gone blank again.

"Something's happened," she said quietly to herself. She listened in as Kurt and Rachel answered their calls and watched their reactions carefully with a mounting sense of dread. Rachel's eyes widened and she put her hand over her mouth to muffle her words.

"Are you sure? Yeah she's here. I'll try. No, it's okay, I have a taser. Kurt is here too."

Kurt was listening closely to whatever Blaine was telling him. He frowned and then looked at Rachel realising with one glance that they had both been informed of the same thing.

"We'll deal with it. I don't know. I'll let you know how it goes." He ended the call and swivelled to look at Santana. "Santana, sit down. There's something we need to tell you."

"Sugar-" Rachel began.

"Sugar's back?" Santana smiled. "Why didn't she tell me?" Her smile faded as she watched their expressions carefully. Kurt and Rachel jumped as she smacked her palm down on the small table holding Kurt extensive magazine collection. "What is it? Tell me!"

"We are telling you," Rachel sighed.

"Tell me faster."

"If you had just answered your phone we wouldn't have to put ourselves on the line for this-" Rachel began, only to stop when Kurt laid a warning hand on her arm. "There's no way to sugar coat this," Rachel waved her hands in front of her almost like she was trying not to do excited jazz hands.

Kurt grimaced at her choice of words. "I'll tell her, Rachel. Back away." He pulled Rachel back onto the couch and took a calming breath. "Sugar took a slushy to the face."

Santana shot up out of her seat and glowered at them, her jaw clenched and her eyes darkened. Kurt and Rachel visibly shrunk back into the safety of the couch.

"Who did it?" She snapped at them.

"There's more. It gets worse." Kurt dared to say tentatively, watching as her hands curled into fists.

"She jumped in the trajectory of the throw," Rachel gulped. "It wasn't intended for her. It was meant for... oh god," she squeaked. "It was meant for Brittany."

The door to the apartment slammed shut behind Santana and the two remaining occupants flinched at the harsh noise.

"How did she do that? Just pull a plane ticket out of thin air," Kurt stared at the closed door, puzzled.

"She got it out of her pocket. I saw her."

"No, Rachel, you're missing the point. Either Santana has magical powers or... she already had the ticket. Personally, I like the magic powers theory."

"She's allowed to keep a spare ticket to Ohio in her pocket if she wants. Her family do live there."

"Mmmhmm. I'm sure that's the only reason she has ticket on stand by."

They both looked out of the window and down onto the street where Santana was yanking someone by the arm out of a taxi then got in and threw their personal items out of the window. With a screech of tyres the taxi sped away.

"Do you think she'll have calmed down by the time she gets to Ohio? I pity the poor soul that has to sit next to her on the flight."

"Just so long as it isn't me." Rachel gathered up her empty glass and moved over to the sink. "I don't believe it. She got out of washing the dishes again!"

"Do you think she'll come back with a girlfriend?" Kurt pondered.

"I hope so. For all our sakes." Rachel's phone beeped. "Uh oh, it's from Santana."

#Is your face supposed to be that shade of green?#

"What?" Rachel's face scrunched up in confusion then she reached over to grab the small mirror they kept on the coffee table for emergencies or practising soliloquies.

"Oh god, why didn't you tell me Kurt?" She squealed, having witnessed the green highlighter ink around her mouth where she had been absently tapping the pen while marking the script. "I have an audition this afternoon. This had better not be permanent!"

"I thought it was a Wicked audition!" Kurt shouted after her as Rachel ran for the shower. "Never a dull moment," he murmured to himself.

McKinley High School, Lima

The door to the girls bathroom slammed shut behind Sugar, she squealed and reached in her bag for the mace spray her mother insisted she carry at all times. She paused in the search for the spray when she finally laid eyes on the person who had abducted her. She had been innocently chatting to Artie about a date with her back to the door to the bathroom when she had been suddenly grabbed by the arm and tugged inside. The abductor aimed one short sharp glare at Artie effectively silencing the boy for the time being.

"Hey, Artie," Brittany approached him wondering about his slightly stunned appearance. "Was that Sugar I just saw?"

"Uh... no. But yes but she's busy. I wouldn't go in there... obviously because I'm a boy. Yes." With a gulp he wheeled away into the crowded hallway.

With a bemused frown Brittany eyed the door thoughtfully and then nonchalantly leaned on the wall right next to it and listened in, the voices inside became clearer as students went to their next class until the halls were deserted.

Santana had been lying in wait, absolutely certain that as she was now aware of Sugar's gene pool she would come to the bathroom at least three times a day to check her appearance in the large mirrors. She had been proven correct.

Sugar launched herself at the other girl nearly knocking Santana off balance in the voracity of her hug. After gasping for breath and regaining her hearing from the racket Sugar was making, Santana got straight down to business.

"And I'm happy to see you too," Santana chuckled and Sugar beamed at her. "I've got three questions for you and you better pray on your future allowance-" Sugar did a half snort before turning it into a cough, "that you tell me the truth."

Santana stared at her piercingly but Sugar just smirked back.

'Immune' she mouthed.

"Question one. Are you okay?"

Sugar looked taken aback as though she hadn't expected that query. Her defences were sky high prepared for a full Lopez interrogation and here she was instantly crumbling under the sneak attack.

"Um, yes thanks. I am. You know how it goes down in Lima Heights Adjacent, I had them crying for their mo-"

"Have you ever even been to Lima Height- Never mind. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

At her words Sugars bluster deflated somewhat. "It's okay, you cant be everywhere and Britt was there so it was all okay."

"Why were they aiming a slushy at Brittany if you were the one picking a fight?"

"She came to help me and anyway I wasn't picking a fight!" Sugar protested. "There was like four of them and they ended up surrounding me. I was totally just about to take them all out but then Mom, I mean Britt, shoved them out of the way and was so far in their faces she said it was like looking at a map of the moon. One got a slushy from somewhere and they were so busy arguing she didn't see it coming... so I jumped."

"What if it had been a gun!? Would you have jumped in front of her then?"

"Mam- Santana. It was just some slush."

"I want names!"

"I'm not allowed to tell you," Sugar said in a small voice. "And to tell you Coach Sue dealt with them and they're suspended for bullying."

"What happened? Why did you confront them in the first place?"

"They made a disgusting remark about my friends and I couldn't let them get away with it so I told them exactly where they could go and things got a bit heated. Then mom came storming over and she was so mad even I was scared. You'd have been crying if you'd seen her."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Would too."

"If I suspect for even a microsecond that you deliberately provoked some Neanderthal homophobic assholes with the intention of getting slushied or causing enough of a scene to get me to come back here-"

"You cant get back together if you're not here," Sugar interrupted.

"So you admit it."

"I admit nothing."

"It's one thing calling assholes out on their shit but then somehow most of the glee club ended up in a rumble and you got freakin' slushied, Sugar! Slushied!" Santana looked furious. After a moment of calming breaths she continued. "On to question three."

Sugar raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. There'd been more questions than that already.

"Fine. Three, part b. Did you honestly think I wouldn't come back if you just picked up the phone and spoke to me?"

Sugar looked up from where she was shuffling her feet and smiled.

As they exited the girls bathroom and walked out into the empty corridor, everyone else being in class.

"Want to hang out tonight?" Sugar asked, hopefully.

"Um, I'd love to but there's something I've got to do first." Santana cleared her throat. "I got a bossy email from Lord Tubbington telling me to be at his place to film 'Fondue for Two' tonight, so..."

"Say no more!" Sugar beamed. "Actually, I'm supposed to be cameraman tonight."

"Stop looking at me like that," Santana said as Sugar grinned maniacally at her.

"What? I'm just smiling. I'm happy, I'm allowed to be happy."

"Don't get your hopes up, kiddo."

"Uh, hello. Look at me. The very fact I am standing here before you in all my genetically perfect glory should tell you everything you need to know."

"I want a DNA test done."

"Rude."

"Want to ditch the rest of school and go shopping?" Santana asked.

"You see? There is no way you are not definitely my mother. So long as we aren't late for filming. I think Lord Tubbington got the words director and dictator mixed up when he got the directors role, the power has gone to his head."

"Puh-lease, me and him are best buds," said Santana. Sugar looked unconvinced at this statement. "I could be fashionably late and he wouldn't even bat an eyelid."

"Yeah but Brittany would be upset if you were late. Did he tell you what he did to Sam? It was so funny."

They didn't notice Brittany leaning against the lockers behind them listening in on their conversation. She smiled as she watched Sugar hang on to Santana's arm as they went outside into the parking lot.

"Can I drive?"

"Ha!"


	6. Chapter 6

2014

Nestled snugly in glorious warmth Santana slept soundly emitting a small snore every time the chest she slept upon rose as the person below her breathed in. Cocooned in between thick bed covers and her girlfriend's arms, there was nowhere on earth she would rather be than with Brittany's steady heartbeat soothing her.

Tap tap tap

Santana'snose twitched as a tapping sound permeated into the muggy world of sleep.

"Mmmph?" Brittany frowned at the intrusion of noise into her rather enjoyable R-rated dream featuring the tyrannical Pirate Lord Snixx searching the seven seas for the notorious booty of the mermaid Queen Brittany... what

"Werbb?" Santana burrowed her face into Brittany's neck to hide from the noise.

"Anggffff," Brittany groaned out an approximation of Santana's name without opening her mouth.

Tap tap tap

"Bruuthf," Santana did the same.

"Nmmm," Brittany sighed.

Tap tap tap

"Britt."

"Gurgg?"

Tap tap tap

"Britt, nswr th drr."

"Nmmph."

Tap tap tap

"Brtt, gt th drr."

"Nmmph."

Semi consciousness jarred through Santana's brain as the tapping continued incessantly and she scowled without opening her eyes. She cracked open half an eye to read the digital display on her bedside alarm clock. The green light jarred her vision cutting through the dark like a laser. 5:15am. Sweet baby Jesus on a stick, the building had at least better be on fire for this.

Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap

The tapping somehow got more more persistent and seemingly infinitely louder each time. With a snarl, Santana pivoted until her feet dangled off the bed and shuffled to the door in her 'Sexy Time' slippers, so called because she had initially refused to wear them because 'Slippers are for old people'. One sad pout from the gift giver and a promise of sexy times whenever she wore them and they hardly ever left her feet.

"Who the actual fuck is stupid enough to be tapping out the Jaws theme at 5:15 in the asscrack of dawn morning. The only impending doom is the one I'm going to deliver to the asshole banging on my door," Santana muttered to herself.

She leaned against the doorframe and spoke through the closed door. "If your name is Rachel Berry you had better start running now." With that, she ripped open the door without so much of a glimpse through the spyhole.

"Werrp...?" murmured Brittany as she sensed Santana climb back under the covers.

"Your problem," Santana grumbled as she pulled a pillow over her face and burrowed as far into the warm bed as she could.

"Whuh?"

"Your daughter, your problem. She's yours before six am," came the cranky explanation.

There was a whump of air and a muffled scream as Santana was crushed and Brittany squeaked in shock as Sugar launched herself on the bed and nestled down in the gap in between the two.

"Miss me?"

"Shh," Santana reached out blindly, finding Sugar's face with the palm of her hand and pushed her towards Brittany's side of the bed. "Shhh, Sugar. Sleepy time now."

Brittany hooked her arm over Sugar and around Santana's waist pulling them all together.

"Sleep," Santana was muttering. "Shhh, sleep. Bleurgggh urkkk!" She wheezed suddenly as heavy paws walked over her chest hitting every sensitive spot possible and crushing those spots, probably deliberately, to cause maximum amount of pain possible.

"Tubbersaurus!" Sugar exclaimed and the weighty fur was whisked off Santana's chest to the other side of the bed where Lord Tubbington greeted his future sister happily and noisily. Santana pulled her pillow over her face with a groan.

"Brittany, we are never having children. Ever."

"I think that's an argument you've already lost," Brittany said softly without even blinking at the non-threat while Sugar spluttered at the perceived insult.

"You pull a stunt like that again and you're grounded," a very grumpy, sleep deprived Santana glowered over a giant mug of coffee and waved a piece of toast in Sugar's direction across the minuscule table where she was sharing the only other chair in the spartan living quarters with Brittany. Those two were lucky. If it had been anyone else in the whole world whispering and giggling from 5:15am to when Brittany's alarm went off at 7:30am there'd have been a murder or two.

"You cant ground me," Sugar snorted. "I'm, like, 18 months younger than you."

"I can do whatever the hell I want. Just remember who is going to be in control of your allowance in the future."

Sugar huffed and slumped into Brittany's side. Brittany slung her free arm that wasn't spooning cereal into her mouth around Sugar's waist and held her securely onto the chair. Brittany kicked Santana under the table, eliciting a sigh.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you," Santana muttered, "and, uh, you're welcome any time... after midday, of course."

"To what do we owe this pleasure anyways, Sugar-pie?" Brittany asked with a grin.

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Santana asked, not without an air of suspicion.

"I wanted to see your new place. My moms finally told me how you guys got back together after that moronic stunt you pulled, you know, the 'break up'." She made air quotations with her fingers. "Pffff, what does 'not an official break up' mean anyway?" Santana continued scowling at her. Sugar cleared her throat nervously and continued. "Uh, yeah it sounded really romantic."

"It did?" Brittany asked, puzzled at the description.

"Sure. You know, when Mami went chasing after you to MIT and swept you off your feet and promised you that if you married her on the spot she would spend every day making sure you were the happiest woman on earth and swore her undying devotion and told you to just say the word and she'd move to Boston for you and-"

Santana choked, interrupting the spiel, as both girls looked at her with vastly differing expressions. "Toast went down the wrong way," she coughed out.

"Who told you that?" Brittany asked Sugar.

"Mami did, of course."

"That's strange," Brittany tapped her finger against her cheek feigning the appearance of being deep in thought. "I don't remember it happening like that. I seem to remember getting a phone call at three in the morning from a very drunk Santana sobbing her heart out telling me she loved me and was going to throw all her possessions in the river and sail to Boston because she couldn't bear to be without me for one more second. Then she fell asleep on the line so I came down to NYC the next day with Lord Tubbington and asked Santana to move in with us because I got into film school, MIT wasn't for me, and she said yes, or was it 'guh'?, and then she found out there was only one bedroom and I was like, 'No take backsies', and that's how we got back together."

"That wasn't me!" Santana squeaked as Sugar glared at her accusingly. "That was future me told you that and I would never do that... Lie, I mean, I would obviously sweep Britt off her feet in a heartbeat..." Brittany was grinning at her rather too smugly as Santana rubbed her rather pinkly tinged nose looked away and then tried to change the subject. "So, Sugar, do you like the apartment?"

"It's... compact? Could do with some..." Sugar looked away to the left as Santana scrutinised her closely and tried not to make eye contact with Brittany, "...some new furnishings, a make over. Oh, you know what? We should go buy some stuff for it." Sugar fidgeted as both girls watched her, one with amusement, one with suspicion. "Oh look, that conveniently brings me round to why I'm here. Mom said you'd take me shopping!" Sugar announced, looking directly at Santana.

Santana stared blankly at the girl grinning hopefully at her. "Mom? Your mom did that? What? Britt?" She turned to look at Brittany who shrugged.

"It wasn't me," Brittany shrugged.

"No, not Britt mom. The other one."

"The other one! I would never say that!"

"And she said you'd pay."

Santana snorted her coffee which she was unfortunately taking a drink of at that moment and when she'd finished spluttering began to laugh hysterically. Eventually she regained control of her emotions and wiped a tear from her eye.

"That proves it. I would NEVER say that. Nu uh, never."

Sugar hand paused in mid air where she was in the middle of eating Brittany's cereal. "Are you calling me a liar?" her voice got higher. "Because I think we all know who the liar is in this family! Fine, just give me your credit card and I'll go by myself."

Santana spat out her coffee again, this time all over the table much to the other girls' disgust. Santana glared at them.

"It's not lying! It's romantic licence! Why don't you go with her?" Santana pleaded with Brittany. "I don't have to be in work until four, I'm going back to bed!"

"I've got classes today," Brittany huffed, making Santana look guilty. "Santana, are you seriously going to let Sugar loose in Manhattan on her own? Can imagine the chaos? The insanity?"

"The cab fare..." Sugar murmured, as she drank Santana's coffee.

Santana gaped at the two of them. "That bitch. She really would tell you I'd go with you."

With a triumphant smirk Brittany got up and began to gather her books she'd need for college leaving Sugar happily eating everything she could reach on the tabletop. Santana snatched her coffee back off Sugar.

"Don't drink that, it's bad for you. Now, why are you really here? Have you done something? Are you on the run again?"

"No, God, why cant I just come and visit? After all we've been through I thought you'd be happy to see me."

"Because my future daughter and future versions of 'super hot' older me and 'seriously god damn super fine smoking hot' wife turning up in my final year of high school has given me a complex. What have you done?"

Sugar glared at her and they both glowered in a staring contest. Eventually Santana reached over the table and placed a soothing hand on top of Sugar's.

"Tell me the truth, Sugar," she said softly. "Is Breadstix okay?"

"I gotta go. I'll be back at three." Brittany kissed Sugar on the head and then Santana who grabbed her shirt and pulled her onto her lap in a tight hug.

"I love you," she murmured into Brittany's ear.

"I love you, too," Brittany whispered back, and much to Sugar's part horror, part happiness began to kiss enthusiastically until the rickety old chair wobbled and they had to part for their own safety.

Santana sat looking dazed for a moment while Brittany walked over to the door she was about to open it when Santana's hand slammed it shut and she pinned Brittany to the door.

"I love you."

Brittany bit her lip at hearing those words again. This had been the norm ever since they had moved in together. Santana reminding her every day how much she loved her and truthfully, Brittany loved this side of her girlfriend.

"Text me when you get to campus," said Santana.

Brittany leaned in and kissed her sweetly. "Try and be nice to Sugar. She looks up to you."

Santana tried to hide a shy smile and opened the door for Brittany who kissed her again. "Bye, my love."

She spun around on her heel and immediately resumed her starring match with Sugar.

"If you weren't my parents that would be adorable. As it is, it's a bit weird."

"Why 2014? What's special about it?"

"It's retro, duh."

"So really what you're saying is you broke something of mine and couldn't get a replacement and had to come here to buy a new one."

Sugar's face dropped as her mother hit the nail on the head. "I didn't break anything!" she protested. "It caught fire on its own and it is unfair to hold something against me that may not happen in the future. You cant prove anything. I want Brittany back. Britt!"

Brittany made her way down the hall with a smile on her face as the sound of arguing voices got fainter and fainter. She tapped the button to the elevator and her eyes widened in surprise as the doors opened shortly after to reveal someone already inside.

"Hi."

"Hi," replied Brittany with a matching grin as she stepped into the elevator.

"Soooo, are they suitably distracted?" her companion asked.

"I'd say Sugar will keep her busy for the next eight solid hours of shopping. Did you send her?"

"Maybe," Brittany-from-the-future shrugged. "Or maybe she really does need to find a replacement vintage leather jacket before her Mami finds out it's missing, presumed destroyed."

"Which jacket is that?"

"The one she lost her virginity in," Adult Brittany said with a sly smirk as she pressed the ground floor button..

"Ohh, that one," Brittany grinned, knowingly. "But if she buys a new one then it wont be the same."

"I'll have to make sure it gets christened again and distract her from examining it too closely. It's a tough job but-"

"I could do it!"

"I appreciate the thought but you know what happened the last time. Both Santana's nearly had breakdowns." Both Brittanys had matching evil grins. "And I'm sure Sugar is planning on stealing the original from your cutie Santana anyway. The shopping is merely a distraction, that girl has learned from the best. Well, that and Sugar has spent so much time with you guys she wanted to see you again when she heard about how you got back together."

"Where did Santana get her... elaborate tale from?"

"I'm sure she thinks that how how it went in her head." Both Brittanys aww-ed at the thought of their respective hopeless Santanas.

"Where are we going?" Brittany asked as Future Brittany led her down a dark alley. "I kind of have class."

"We're going to see Sugar. Not the one currently winding Santana up, no doubt. A younger version... although I bet the younger version is winding her up too. And don't worry about school, we have a time machine." Adult Brittany flourished her arm at the car parked behind some empty crates. "We wont be long, there's something I want to show you. Something like, forewarning. With those girls it's better to have a heads up sometimes."

"Coool. Is cougar Santana going to be there?"

"Uh... not exactly."

"Aww," Brittany pouted.

"Santana will be there but she's not my time Santana or yours, but she's still Santana so it's like they're all ours. I wonder..." her daydream morphed into an evil grin.

"Nope," present Brittany sighed. "I already asked."

2024

Brittany looked at Adult Brittany's watch with interest. The modified timepiece had three different digital readouts indicating time for three different 'nows'. The present the future and the past.

"Any moment now. We can't let them even catch a glimpse of us or the kid will know. I dressed up as Santa one year and she nearly blew the roof off. Thought I was cheating her out of Christmas. Having Sugar for a daughter is the steepest learning curve ever, steeper than when Lord Tubbington got stuck climbing up the Brooklyn bridge." At the look on the younger Brittany's face she winced. "Oh, oops. Has that not happened yet? Don't worry, Santana rescues him."

Brittany grabbed future Brittany's arm making the older woman wince as she tried not to squeal aloud at the sight in front of her. Four year old Sugar and her hot mama Santana who looked to be in her late twenties, wearing matching hats with what looked like polar bear ears on them, were leaning over a rail at the zoo watching some animals. Brittany didn't even notice what they were looking at, she had hearts in her eyes at how cute her two girls were.

"This is a formative moment in Sugar and Santana's future relationship," Future Brittany explained. "The moment when Sugar realised she can get her mami to do anything. It's lucky I knew about it or Santana would have been in a lot of trouble, a lot of times. Now watch closely, BrittBritt. Something is going to happen and you cannot interfere. Trust Santana, and trust me. It looks bad, but Santana's got this."

Brittany agreed warily then watched in slack jawed horror at the event unfolding in front of her, held back by Adult Brittany for seven minutes and 36 seconds until she could breathe again.

Nine minutes and thirty seconds later

Santana dusted her small daughter's shoulders off and picked some straw out of her hair as zoo keepers put away the rescue ladder and dispersed the awestruck crowd.

"Now, remember. We went to the zoo. We had an ice cream. The penguins were funny. That was it. Nothing else happened."

"I touched a polar bear."

"No, you didn't." Santana's voice shook at the memory. "We weren't anywhere near the polar bears."

Sugar's voice steadily increased in pitch and now with a heart rending waver she wailed. "But there were bears. Two ginormus ones of them and a baby. I petted them!"

"No, no, baby. I know you did, but we cant tell mommy that. We have to pretend."

"But I want to tell her I went into the bear house and touched the polar bear baby and it licked me!" Sugar shouted indignantly. "She'll want to know!"

"I promise you, she wont want to know."

"She will. Mommy loves animals, and bears, and me the mostest."

Sugar sniffled, folded her arms across her chest and turned away from her mother while implementing the Pierce pout. Santana's shoulders slumped in defeat. How do you persuade your small child it's a good thing to lie to her parent about falling in the polar bear pit at the zoo? She googled it quickly on her phone but nothing useful came up.

"Okay, let's get another ice cream, with every topping, and we can think of... something."

A few minutes later Santana and Sugar were sitting on a bench near the zoo's ice cream stand, Santana deep in thought as Sugar wiped her ice cream over most of her face in an attempt to eat it via absorption.

"Ohhh!" Santana perked up with an idea. "What's more exciting than petting a polar bear?"

"Mami," Sugar giggled as though her mother had just said the craziest thing ever. "Nothing's more exciting than that, silly."

"Really? Are you sure? There's not anything you would consider an adequate form of bribery? A pony? A puppy?"

"Bongo is my puppy," Sugar stated as she watched her ice cream run down the cone onto her hand and continue down her arm.

"Another puppy?" Santana asked, hopefully, glad she'd not pounced on the pony idea.

Sugar took a giant lick of her arm and eyed her mother thoughtfully. She wasn't sure what was happening but she appeared to have her Mami's complete attention and desire to provide her with anything she could dream of.

"If there was anything else in the whole universe that you could think of more exciting than polar bears?"

"What's uniword? I want to tell mommy about the polar bears. I want to go see mommy now."

"Universe. It means everything... except seeing mommy right now."

Sugar huffed and wiped more ice cream over herself. She glowered into the distance her tiny head thinking furiously until she had an idea.

"I'll think about it," she said with an innocent smile.

Santana watched her with dread. She was adapting, her intelligence increasing worryingly fast. Santana could sense the impending doom on the air. Brittany was going to find out. With a shake, she tried to snap out of her thoughts, just in case Sugar could sense fear as well.

"Come on, let's go home. Mommy will be back from work late but she'll be there for breakfast." Santana offered her hand to the small girl who grabbed it with sticky fingers and skipped along happily as they left the zoo.

"Oh my god, I want a baby Sugar," teenage Brittany sighed, leaning heavily on Adult Brittany for support as she swooned.

"Maybe when you've finished school, hmm? Now listen to me, Brittany S. Pierce soon to be Lopez. I love those two more than anything in the entire multiverse but they are 99.9% trouble. Brittany, you have to keep an eye on them and then when you think there's a time when you can leave them for a little while with a bit of trust, one of them steals a time machine or one of them offers to fight otherwise placid polar bears in a frenzy to rescue her daughter from a polar bear pit."

2024, Lopez household, The morning after the day before

"I thought of my thing I want. I want to see Ray Ray sing. She said I could when she came to my birthday party. She did, she said." Santana's face twitched involuntarily. "Look there's a picture over here. Mommy said I had to ask you."

On the front page of the newspaper Brittany had left nonchalantly on the table for Santana to see that morning, was a photo of Santana climbing out of the polar bear enclosure up a ladder with a thrilled looking Sugar over her shoulder waving to two surprised looking polar bears and their cub.  
Underneath the photo and front page headline, which read - 'Child falls in bear pit. Mother stages dramatic rescue', was an advertisement to see Rachel Berry singing in Vegas.

"Double cluster fuck," Santana hissed under her breath as she stared aghast at the paper. "Welp. It seems like we can cancel all the plans because Mommy knows you fell in the bear pit and she's just being very cool about it... hopefully. Please, god."

"You promised," Sugar said with a sad quiver to her voice. She scrunched up her eyes and rubbed them with her sleeve.

"Whoa, okay there, punkin'. Mami always keeps her promises."

"Mommy said if we don't go to see RayRay then you get to take us to Disney instead."

"Did she now? When did she do this because we were both asleep in bed when she got home and she's still in bed sleeping now."

"She came to kiss me goodnight and I told her I had to think of something better than polar bears. Are there polar bears in Disney world?"

"No. I think we're banned from there anyway."

"What does banned mean?"

"Ask your mommy."

"Hi there, my loves," Brittany smiled at her two favourite girls and kissed them both, regretting her fervour when she came into contact with Sugar's sticky face. "How was your visit to the zoo? I'm so sad I missed it, Sugar you have to tell me everything. I've been looking forward to hearing about it all day and all night!"

Sugar beamed up at her mom. "It was the bestest. I had two ice creams and a hotdog-" Brittany glanced over at her wife who was wide eyed as her daughter incriminated her further with her words "-and then chocolate to calm me down."

"I borrowed your phone, Honey. I was googling zucchini and your google search history came up with 'how to get your five year old to lie for you', and 'how to kill a polar bear'." Brittany wiped Sugar's face clean then came and sat on Santana's lap. "Did you really try and fight two polar bears?"

Santana nodded sheepishly. "I would have won too."

"My hero." Brittany smirked and gave her wife a proper morning kiss not just a peck on the cheek ignoring the disgusted "Urg!" from Sugar.

Brittany sat back and turned to her daughter. "Tell me about the polar bears then baby. What does their fur feel like? Is it soft?"

2014

Brittany got back to the apartment to find Sugar with her head resting on the tiny table half asleep and Santana sprawled starfish style on the floor with clothes and shopping bags strewn on every available surface. Pizza boxes lay discarded except for one with a small table lamp over it trying to keep it warm until Brittany returned.

"How did it go?"

"Dying," Santana groaned waving an arm up at Brittany, hoping for sympathy.

"Hi mom!" Sugar jumped up to throw herself at Future Brittany. Santana smiled goofily at her from the floor.

"Hi Britt," she smiled bashfully.

"Hey, Supermom. Did you look after my baby?"

"Of course. I'm certain criminal records don't stick if you haven't been born yet so don't worry about anything," and she winked at Sugar who gasped.

"Santana punched a security guard," she blurted out.

"I did not, you snitch."

"You're a snitch."

"Your face is a snitch."

Teenage Brittany interrupted them. "What happened?"

"The security alarm went off as we left a store because the fu-... greasy douche on the cash register didn't take a tag off. The security jobsworth was being inappropriately touchy with Sugar-"

"He searched my bag, that's all, and he was cute," Sugar explained to the Brittanys.

"-and I didn't punch him. He walked into my trajectory and now we're not allowed back there ever again."

"Because she punched him. Oh look we've got to go," Sugar said, grabbing some bags and trying to push her mother to the door as Santana tried to get up but gave up and lay there whimpering about her feet.

She loaded her mom up with bags then hugged teenage Brittany and whispered something in her ear then flopped down on top of Santana and hugged her tightly.

"Tell your mami she owes me three hundred dollars," Santana called after Sugar as she pulled her mother out of the apartment.

"See you in six years!" Sugar slammed the door behind them.

"What happens in six years?" Santana asked.

Brittany walked over stepping over the strewn shopping and straddled Santana's waist. "Santana. I want a baby Sugar."

Santana gulped.  
\---


End file.
